we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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