you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
