physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
