I need help removing her.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
