Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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