Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
