I love black thongs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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