Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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