I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize