so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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