your parents love me but you hate me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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