ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
