Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
