I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize