and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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