If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
