My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
