yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize