you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
