drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
