just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
