I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's never too late to be topless.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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