I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
