Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
