You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize