cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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