i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
