it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
