in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
