i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
