he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
