You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
