he shaved USA in his pubs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
BRING THE BAGELS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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