fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize