Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
