I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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