he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
