I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
