3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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