I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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