Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
