can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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