A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
