I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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