Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
