You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize