Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
