I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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