Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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