I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
