nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
