The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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