haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
