I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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