Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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