im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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