he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
