Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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