oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love having hate sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
