I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
