I want to make a zoo with you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
