Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i have two assholes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
