If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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